Do not settle for less than exactly what you want. Your heart’s desires are there for a reason. Chase them. Pursue them relentlessly. Do not lose sight of your goals. They are your very reason for being. -Franki Durbin

This is actually my first time in forever that I have not set my alarm to wake up on a weekend morning. This morning, I actually took my time to prepare proper breakfast which I haven’t had for days just because I’m always in a hurry for school or work and all I can grab is a cup of tea or coffee, or whatever is hot for the winter. Today, I was able to do some baking outside TAFE kitchen (my school) or outside Woods kitchen (my work). My goal for the next coming days is to take my time and keep calm. I have been hard at it for the past couple of weeks. Too much pressure ate the best of me. You know, often times when we put on our “game” face, we focus on the goal straight away without realizing that we are putting in too much unnecessary effort on non-essentials. Weeks ago, I was struggling with finding a job in the hospitality industry and negativity slowly started to kick in. I was in the verge of losing my confidence on my skills, and I was in a bit of panic when I did a trial shift at the cafe I was applying for and they haven’t called me back. I was trying to pull my act together and endlessly telling myself to calm down.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Weeks have passed. I got hired, I worked at the cafe and all went well. But then, I asked myself. Is this really what I wanted? I know what I want, and I know who I want to be. I want to be in the pastry industry. I want to be standing for long hours piping profiteroles on baking trays, decorating cakes and cupcakes, whipping some sponge or some Italian meringue, or coloring some macarons. I want to be working in a pastry kitchen. However, life gave me a twist. I got a job at the cafe, working as a chef’s apprentice. I had to multi-task at an ultimately fast speed which is four times faster than how I got used to back in Manila. I had to do some plating, cook orders, do some dish washing, and assist with service preparations. It was the kind of thing I was trained for during my culinary days, but it also reminded me of how exhausted I was to be working in a commercial kitchen. At the same time, I was also blessed with a second job where I was helping my friend’s cleaning business. The pay was good and all that, but I lost it because my schedule was not fit for it. I had to decide at some point. Will I continue tiring myself and draining every bit of my energy, or shall I just be positive that I will find the right job for me soon?

I AM NOT QUITTING, I AM JUST NOT SETTLING

With all the trials that I had to attend, I was in the verge of telling myself, “You are not good enough to be in the Pastry Kitchen.” “You aren’t cut yet for fine dining and hotel set-up.” I actually had an argument with one of my best friends several weeks ago. He told me how negative I was becoming, and knowing that I was the calmest person he has ever met (or so he said), he was shocked with how I was handling everything. I was mad. I did not talk to him for 24 hrs straight. I was mad not because he told me I was being negative. I was annoyed because it hit me. ┬áHARD. Why am I being like this? I used to be the type where I go with the flow and just cross my fingers that everything will fall into place. I am a firm believer that life is good, come what may. What happened?

Sometimes, all you need is a friend to tell you the truth so you can set things straight. I thought about it for quite a while. This is it. I am drained. Enough is enough. But… I AM NOT QUITTING. I am just not settling. I deserve something better. I deserve to be happy. I deserve more than this. I can obviously do better than this.

So I updated my CV and printed my portfolio. I am definitely not gonna settle for a job other than in a pastry kitchen. I am moving on and I am taking my time to do it. Don’t hurry, don’t worry. Just trust the process. Everything will fall into place in God’s perfect timing.

 

 

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